Here's
something I read on the 'net many, many years ago. It's
no longer hosted anywhere, so I feel fortunate to have
archived it. It's a must share.. I beleive the author was
Paul Coker and full credit must go to him....
(Note: Original images were not saved and have been
replaced)
Begin Original
text:
James Bond 007 is a Time
Lord, and I can prove it!
A shocking claim, yes? Well, I am
entirely convinced that Universal Exports most
famous agent and several of his friends and
enemies are in fact Gallifreyan Time Lords. Upon
what do I base this cannon busting claim? Bare
with me a moment.
Before we
go on, let's Establish some facts.
1)
Chronology of the official Bond Films
This generally follows the order in which the
films were released and are set in the year in
which they were first released, with several
notable exceptions, which I will justify
later.
The first of these is that "Diamonds are
Forever" clearly takes place before "On
Her Majesty's Secret Service" (OHMSS), and
very shortly after "You Only Live Twice.
The second is that "License to Kill"
takes place before "The Living
Daylights".
Therefore
the complete running order of the official Bond
cannon is:
Doctor No (1962)
From Russia with Love (1963)
Goldfinger (1964)
Thunderball (1965)
You Only Live Twice (1967)
Diamonds are Forever (1967)
OHMSS (1969)
Live and Let Die (1973)
The Man with the Golden Gun (1975)
The Spy who Loved Me (1977)
Moonraker Oh
dear, oh dear... (1979)
For Your Eyes Only (1981)
Octopussy (1983)
A View to a Kill (1985)
License to Kill (1986)
The Living Daylights (1987)
Goldeneye Opening flashback (1987)
Goldeneye (1995)
Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)
There are of course two other
feature length Bond films, "Casino
Royale" and "Never Say Never
Again", as well as a Fifties US TV version
of "Casino", none of them produced by
United Artists. These have been included in this
chronology for several reasons. Firstly, the film
version of "Casino". There are some
very nice scenes in this, as well as some cool
ideas. One of the best is the eccentric English
aristocrat James Bond, played by David Niven who
is very displeased with the effect on his
reputation caused by "That sex-manic,
alcoholic ruffian you gave my name and number
to." (Who we never meet.) When he takes over
from M, he decrees that all British agents will
henceforth be known as James Bond, 007 to confuse
the enemy. The score is extremely catchy, and
there are some great lines: "What happened
to your stutter?" "I decided we hadn't
the time." There is also some great acting
talent on display, ranging from Ursula Andress to
Orson Welles, and several Who Luminaries, such as
Bernard Cribbins (filming "Daleks: Invasion
Earth 2150AD" in the studio next door) and
the voice of the wonderful Valentine Dyall.
The problem is this: It is extremely disjointed,
and things and events follow no sort of logical
course. But no-one cares. It exists, not so much
as a film, but as an embodiment of Carnaby Street
in the mid-sixties, and as such has considerable
style. But it cannot be cannon for several
reasons. SMIRSH, the organisation/operation
mentioned in "From Russia with Love"
and "The Living Daylights" is turned
into SPECTRE in all but name, and the faceless
voice in charge is someone who is
definitely not Ernst Stavro
Blofeld.
"Never Say Never Again" is
definitely not cannon, because
it is a remake of Thunderball. Besides the fact
that everyone should be going around, shaking
their heads saying "I have this terrible
feeling of déja vu..." it also gives us
different versions of M, Q (or "Algy"
as he is here), Miss MoneyPenny, Blofeld, Felix
Leighter, and various characters from
Thunderball. It is a Connery film with a Roger
Moore setting, and in short a continuity
nightmare. To be fair we shall assume that this
is set in an alternate universe, not too
dissimilar to our own, where the first Bond never
regenerated, the SPECTRE master-plan was carried
out in 1983 instead of 1965 Q branch is run by
someone else, etc, etc, fill in the blanks
yourself, I haven't the time.
And the TV version of "Casino" is definitely not
cannon, because "Jim Bond " works for
the CIA, and meets up at the Casino with Clarance Leighter
of MI5. 'nuff said.
2)
"So, why is he a Time Lord then?"
Item: He has had Five bodies to date.
Item: Each body has a different
personality and way of carrying out his missions
Item: He served in the Navy in World
War II, but looks mid-thirties by the time of
"Goldeneye".
Item: We know that at least one other
Gallifreyan was exiled to Earth in this time
period for conduct unbecoming a Time Lord
Item: Many of 007's favourite
pastimes (Killing, seducing earth women, etc.)
could certainly be classified as conduct
unbecoming a Time Lord
Item: A Time Lord agent would be very
useful to the Security Service for many reasons.
For one thing, the ultra-fast reflexes, for
another the fact that even if he is killed, he
can regenerate and complete his mission. He can
also look like anyone.
Item: If any agency did have
an alien working for them, they would certainly
keep it quiet (cf. UNIT's relationship with the
Doctor)
Item :Equally, a Time Lord operative would
be the best agent to put up against an
international criminal organisation run by
another Renegade Time Lord.
Item: The first line spoken by the
Fifth Bond (Pearce Brosnan), in the Trailer for
Goldeneye is exactly the same as the Sixth
Doctor's first line in "The Caves of
Androzani".
Item: Vast amounts of knowledge in
the area of linguistics vanish from 007's memory.
Just as the Doctor looses the ability to speak
fluent Tibetan between "Planet of the
Spiders" and "The Creature from the
Pit", Bond claims to
have taken a first in oriental languages at
Cambridge in "You Only
Live Twice", but is wary of sending a signal
in Chinese in "Tomorrow Never Dies".
3) So,
what are the characteristics of each incarnation
of Bond, then?
1st incarnation
lasts from Doctor No until Diamonds are Forever.
Most misogynistic of all Bond incarnations.
Always respects and obeys the orders of his
superiors to the letter. Case in point: He
abandons his beloved Berretta in Doctor No, when
M orders him to do so. Bored by Q, but tolerates
him, as shown by his reaction to encountering him
in Thunderball. Has a decidedly nasty streak just
below the surface; not afraid to give a female
double agent a slap to extract information from
her, as seen in "Dr No" is particular.
Voted Bond least likely to get a knighthood. Also
seen on occasions wearing a porkpie hat several
sizes too small for him. Typical Time Lord dress
sense.
Second incarnation
seen only in OHMSS. Wears that hat again, but
quickly discards it. Master of disguise (another
Time Lord trait), he can affect a scots accent
and sound completely different for extended
periods. Has spent several years tracking Blofeld
around the world and is a law unto himself.
Doesn't give a damn about M or his official
procedure, and is prepared to do a deal with the
devil to get the job done. Has matured enough to
have developed an empathy with Q that hints at a
close friendship. Quite uniquely, he genuinely
falls in love with a woman, to the extent that he
is willing to sacrifice anything to spend his
life with her. This doesn't stop him cheating on
her at Blofeld's phoney allergy clinic, but the
feeling is that he will settle down. When Terrasa
dies, it becomes too much for Bond to cope with
and sacrifices his second life to produce a
persona better equipped emotionally to deal with
what he has to do, just as the Sixth Doctor may
have sacrificed himself to become The Times
Champion.
In any case, it is in this regeneration that
007's status as a Time Lord is confirmed, when he
turns to the audience and 'This never
happened to the other guy"
This incident, more than any other is recognition
of Bond's change of persona and therefore his
non-terrestial nature.
The Third Bond, as previously mentioned can cope
with his job with characteristic sarcasm. No
matter how inappropriate the situation, this Bond
will be ready with an awful pun and a rise of the
eyebrow. He also had an awful taste in suits. As
seen with other notable Time Lords, his mental
abilities and powers of suggestion increased in
this regeneration, as demonstrated by the ever
increasing hordes of women half his age eager to
jump into bed with him. Terresa remains a sore
topic, as shown in The Spy Who Loved Me, but at
least he can live with himself. This emotional
strength was probably the reason that Bond hung
onto this body for perhaps longer than would be
advisable. He must have know that the end was
near, when in For Your Eyes Only, he took the
unprecedented move of turning down point blank
the 16 year old blond ice-skating protégé and
later wines and dines a forty year old Yorkshire
housewife. He obeys M's orders, but enjoys
humiliating him by showing off his great
knowledge about absolutely anything, usually in
the presence of Admirals, Ministers or other
figures of authority, just to show his boss up.
Always ends the mission by sailing off into the
sunset with a girl who says "Oooh
James" a lot, and ignoring M's attempts to
improbably contact him. Enjoys the company of Q,
who seems to be stationed, along with M and Miss
MoneyPenny in every secret British base in the
world simultaneously. He has great fun winding up
Q, who gets closer to a coronary every time they
talk.
The fourth Bond is a much more idealistic
individual. He holds personal friendship and
loyalty more sacred than petty espionage. He does
not get along at all well with M; in their first
major confrontation, Bond resigns on the spot and
M is prepared to have him shot. Once Bond has
settled his vendetta with Sanchez, M practically
begs Bond to come back, as they need his
expertise and sheer skill. Bond realises he
cannot survive in the outside world, but he must
still suffer M. Bond only has one real scene with
M in The Living Daylights, and there is a
considerable tension between the two. Bond
ignores M's orders to terminate General Pushkin,
and also comments on his boss "Stuff my
orders! I only kill professionals...If he fires
me I'll thank him for it..." It's also worth
noting that this version of Bond respects his
partners to the extent that he only sleeps with
one woman per movie. Just look at the last scene
of "License to Kill." As Bonds go, this
one is practically a saint. It is probably
because of these improvements in his character
that Q is willing to sacrifice his reputation and
thirty year career in the service of Her Majesty
to help him in "License".
The latest Bond first manifested himself in a
mission to destroy a Soviet chemical weapons
factory in 1987. This Bond is altogether
different from the idealistic avenger of the
previous two films. Possibly M issued Bond with
an ultimatum following his insubordination: get
with the programme, get your house in order or
you're through. In any case, this new Bond
displays a ruthlessness unlike that of any before
seen. For instance, he casually uses a would-be
assassin's corpse to convince his colleagues that
it is in fact Bond that they have just
perforated. On several occasions, he is seen
wielding an AK-47 in each hand, indiscriminately
slaughtering Red army guards (who are, of course
our friends now) and Carver's private army
without a second thought. No longer was Bond a
devastatingly efficent assasin, using his license
to kill only to terminate Her Majesty's enemies
and to protest the lives of himself and innocent
civilians. His relationship with the new (female)
M is one of mutual respect; she may think that he
is a sexist, misogynist dinosaur, but she knows
that he is the best there is and she can rely on
him to get the job done. His friendship with Q
has persevered as well, Q finally starting to
enjoy Bond's punning sense of humour.
3) Anyone
else a Time Lord then?
Well,
Felix Leighter, CIA:Meets Bond for the
first time in "Doctor No", subsequently
works with 007 in "Goldfinger",
"Thunderball", "Diamonds are
Forever", and "Live & Let
Die", each time with a different face and
manner. Felix has a much more substantial role in
"License to Kill", when Bond performed
his duties as best man at Felix's wedding. During
this film, Felix acquires some rather nasty
injuries, which necessitates his regeneration
before "The Living Daylights". Felix
has been absent from the past two films, Bond
dealing instead with Jack Wendt. However, it is
said that the actor who plays him, Joe Don Baker,
is unavailable to do the next film, so who knows?
Maybe old Felix will make a comeback in Bond 19.
Ernst Stavro Blofeld:His face remains
unseen in "From Russia with Love" and
"Thunderball". Between then and
"You Only Live Twice" his voice and the
back of his head change drastically, so
presumably he regenerates for some reason before
this time. He escapes at the end of this film,
and some how manages to get out of Japan. When
Bond finally tracks him down again (picking up
the trail in Japan at the start of
"Diamonds") Blofeld is completely
different physically. In fact, he is the spitting
image of Henderson, Bond's British contact in
Tokyo, who was murdered by Blofeld's operatives.
We might speculate that Blofeld stole his
identity to get out of the country before the
airports were sealed. This Blofeld also displays
a previously unsuspected liking for drag; can you
imagine Donald Plesance disguising himself as an
old woman for no readily aparent reason? Don't
answer that.
He escapes again, this time in a Mini-sub, and
regenerates again. When he and Bond meet again
neither recognise each other by sight. In fact,
Blofeld only recognises Bond when he tries to
seduce one of his patients. Blofeld sustains a
crippling neck injury at the end of this film,
and when he finally reappears at the start of
"For Your Eyes Only" he is confined to
a wheelchair and looks and sounds much the same
as he did in "OHMSS". Why he never
regenerated is a mystery. Maybe he had reached
the end of his regenerative cycle; maybe the
regeneration failed; who know? who cares?
Whatever, we've almost certainly seen the last of
old baldy.
Miss MoneyPenny:Certainly displays three
different characters throughout the series. The
first, with a pronounced American accent lasts
from "Doctor No" right through to
"A View to a Kill." She seemed on the
point of retiring in "Octopussy", but
stays on, never the less. The second, a more
quintessentially English bespectacled secretary,
appears briefly in "License to Kill"
and again in "The Living Daylights".
Perhaps because Bond no longer seems interested,
she soon regenerates again. This appears to do
the trick, as Bond's interest is once again
aroused, but perhaps due to the change in her own
personality, she is no longer interested
in him.
Quite why a near immortal Time Lord would be
wasting their considerable knowledge and
experience, as well as 30 years of her life
("Handful of heartbeats to a Time Lord"
as it may be) is unclear. Maybe she came to Earth
with Bond when he was exiled and is unable or
unwilling to leave without him. Maybe she even
played a part in his exile... Now there's a
thought...
And a
closing thought: Pity the Quartermaster.
Let me clear something up. When Q first appears
in "From Russia with Love", the
character is listed in the credits as
"Boothroyd", but is introduced within
the narrative as simply "Q" (head of
the Quartermaster branch of MI7). A similar
character, introduced on screen as Major
Boothroyd appears in "Doctor No", where
his is described as "The armorer".
These are not the same character. We never learn
Q's real name, or his rank in the military, if he
has one. So, Q is certainly not a Time Lord, he
is just an eccentric Whitehall civil servant. I
have always felt immensely sorry for Q; he grows
old while his friends and everyone around him
just get younger. This might account for his
early bitterness and slight resentment of 007. He
mellows with age, however, and now he and Bond
enjoy a close friendship. So, next time you watch
a Bond film, spare a thought for poor Q.
Sarah-Jane Smith knew of James Bond's existance
in "Robot", despite the fact that he is
a state secret. However, as she also knew of the
top-secret organisation UNIT and never told
anyone, she qualifies as one of the worst
investigative journalists of all time
End
Original text.
I'll be adding a
few new observations here soon... stay tuned...
The
Doctor William Hartnell
(Richard Hurndall), Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom
Baker, Peter Davison, Colin Baker, Sylvester McCoy, Paul
McGann
The Companions Carole Ann Ford
as Susan Foreman, Jacqueline Hill as Barbara Wright,
William Russell as Ian Chesterton, Maureen O'Brien as
Vicki, Peter Purves as Steven Taylor, Adrienne Hill as
Katarina, Jean Marsh as Sara Kingdom, Jackie Lane as Dodo
Chaplet, Anneke Wills as Polly Lopez, Michael Craze as
Ben Jackson, Frazer Hines as Jamie McCrimmon, Deborah
Watling as Victoria Waterfield, Wendy Padbury as Zoe
Heriot, Caroline John as Liz Shaw, Katy Manning as Jo
Grant, Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah-Jane Smith, Ian Marter
as Harry Sullivan, Louise Jameson as Leela, Mary Tamm as
Romana (first), Lalla Ward as Romana (second), Matthew
Waterhouse as Adric, Sarah Sutton as Nyssa, Janet
Fielding as Tegan Jovanka, Mark Strickson as Turlough,
Nicola Bryant as Perpugilliam Brown, Bonnie Langford as
Melanie Bush, Sophie Aldred as Ace.